


I will never be okay again

by Avalancemess



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, AvaLance, Breaking Up & Making Up, Drunk Sara Lance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fights, Fluff, Mental Breakdown, Sara Lance Needs a Hug, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe Angst, Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe-centric, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 16:21:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21200573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avalancemess/pseuds/Avalancemess
Summary: Sara and Ava have broken up weeks ago, but Sara can't cope. Ava finds her in a disoriented state and helps her through it.





	I will never be okay again

“I will never be okay again.” Sara said to herself, looking into her own bright blue eyes in the mirror. They weren’t as blue anymore as she remembered they had been before, they seemed to have faded. Maybe it was the contrast of the darker blue circles around her eyes due to a lack of sleep. She knew sadness could change one’s appearance, but she barely recognized herself. Ava used to call her ‘beautiful’, she wondered what her ex-girlfriend would think of her now she looked like this. She didn’t understand what Ava ever saw in her, she wasn’t beautiful or strong, but weak and bruised. “I will never be like her.” She whispered, raising both her hands to touch every part of herself she didn’t like. She had lost weight, lots of weight and her ribs were showing in an ugly way. She wouldn’t want anyone to see her like this, ever. God, she didn’t even want to look at herself anymore. She quickly searched for a towel or a piece of clothing big enough to cover up her mirror. She threw the piece of fabric over the reflecting surface and immediately felt somewhat more at ease. She needed a drink though, it was almost 11 a.m. and she hadn’t even had a glass. The half empty bottle of whiskey from last night immediately catches her eye, she even smiled a little as she grasped for the bottle. She was still feeling a bit dizzy from last night, but it was nothing she couldn’t handle. “I’m friggin’ Sara Lance! No thing I can’t do! I traveled through TIME in a spaceship for fucks sake!” She had been shouting at the top of her lungs. Her neighbors had started to complain about the noise she made on a regular basis, but she couldn’t care less. She let herself fall onto the couch, which was covered in dirty clothing and trash. She cleared some space for her to lay down somewhat comfortably, throwing some bottles on the floor in the process. She emptied a large amount of whiskey into her mouth, not caring about the mess she made, spilling it over her clothing. Suddenly she was taken back by surprise as she heard footsteps entering her appartement. “Don’t come closer!” She yelled, grabbing a knife of the living room table. “I’m a trained fighter, I could KILL you!” She continued screaming. Despite her threats, they weren’t planning on getting out already, so she straightened herself up and climbed out of the sofa. Before she knew, she looked into the eyes of the last person she wanted to see today. It was Ava. The look in the taller woman’s eyes spoke a million words at once, she was disappointed, but also, afraid… “Please Sara, put the knife down.” Ava begged her calmly, slowly walking towards her. Sara didn’t move at all, she just kept staring at Ava, as if she didn’t know for sure wether this was really happening or not. “I just wanted to check in on you, since you haven’t talked to anyone in weeks. I have been worried sick about you…” Ava explained, trying to keep her voice soft and comforting. Sara blinked a few times and slowly lowered the knife. Tears started pouring out of her eyes and she struggled to breathe properly. She sank down to the floor, her knees hurt at the touch with the stone hard floor, but she longed for that pain. She felt Ava was trying to come closer. “Don’t! Stay there.” Her cry started loud, but the rest of her sentence barely came out as a whisper. She buried her face into her knees and wished for this moment to be a really bad nightmare. “Please, baby… Let me in?” Ava begged once again, but she couldn’t hide the hurt in her voice anymore like she did before, although she tried her best to stay strong for Sara. “I’m not your baby anymore.” Sara mumbled. Ava covered her mouth with her hand, thinking of the right words to say, without making the situation worse than it already was. “I’m sorry, I guess I forgot for a moment that you aren’t… mine anymore.” She told Sara honestly. She felt a very deep feeling of regret when she spoke those words. She barely recognized the girl sitting on the floor before her. It took her a moment before she saw exactly how skinny and tired she looked. She hasn’t been taking care of herself. She couldn’t help but blame herself for not checking in on her sooner, she wished she had never left her in the first place, but realized that it was far too late to come to that conclusion now. She had to focus on Sara now, her own feeling would come second. Slowly she sat down next to the smaller girl on the floor. She took of her cardigan and draped it over Sara’s bare shoulders, she had seen the girl shiver, she was barely dressed at all and the heating was turned off. Luckily she accepted the gesture, but she still couldn’t look into Ava’s eyes again. It would break her, she thought. “May I hold you?” Ava asked respectfully, careful not to scare her with sudden movements. She saw Sara nod and laid her arm around her shoulders. Sara leaned into her and sobbed, now louder than before. Ava could smell the alcohol in her breath, which made her feel sad. She knew Sara’s family history with substance abuse and she knew Sara would beat herself up about this later and God knows she probably blames herself already. She hugged her former girlfriend tight, trying to mend a few broken pieces with her body’s touch. Sara was thankful for the gesture, she hadn’t felt this feeling of comfort in quite some time now. She realized she needed this, she needed Ava. Still, she felt uncomfortable asking for more, she couldn’t, she wouldn’t. “You think you can stand? Let’s get you up in the sofa, okay?” Ava asked quietly, suggesting they move this to a more comfortable place. She stood up and lended Sara a hand, pulling her up onto her feet. Ava sat down first and the shorter girl laid down in the sofa, her head in Ava's lap. She closed her eyes and tried to think straight. What does this mean? Sara felt obliged to give Ava some kind of explanation for this mess she was, but she failed to find the right words. The only thing she could come up with was: “I’m sorry, Aves…” To which the taller blonde responded by hugging her even tighter, making sure she felt the love she still felt for this woman. “Don’t apologize baby, it’s okay. I’m here.” She whispered, while stroking the shorter woman’s hair softly. Sara’s breathing became steadier and her mind started to clear a bit, suddenly she felt lighter than she had felt before. It must be Ava’s presence doing the magic. After all she did love this woman, even after the fights and the break-up, the only place she felt safe at was in the arms of her beloved Ava Sharpe. Sara sat up in Ava’s lap and finally looked into those blue eyes again, they were a bit red, probably from crying. She saw a worried look in them, she was indeed very afraid of what Sara’s next move may be. She for one was emotionally unstable at the moment and maybe a little bit too drunk to think straight. What Ava didn’t know was that Sara’s mind was actually clear enough for her to realise that she wanted Ava so badly. The shortest blonde leaned in for a kiss and for a few seconds, Ava got carried away and kissed her back. After that though, she pulled away, because she wouldn’t do this while Sara was in this condition. She could wait, until the next day hopefully, to have a talk with Sara about her feelings. For now, she decided to make sure Sara was in a safe environment and that she would get some rest. “Come on sweetheart, let’s go to bed, yeah?” She took one of Sara’s hands into her own and led her into the bedroom. She helped her get undressed and made her wear some kind of pyjamas, not wanting it to look like she had been taking advantage of her blurred state of mind. She laid her precious Sara down on the bed and laid down beside her, hugging her tight. She wouldn’t have to go through this alone, Ava would be there when she woke up and as long as Sara wanted her. “Goodnight baby.” She whispered, but Sara was asleep already, worn out by her emotions. Ava was glad she got some rest, she deserved it after all.

**Author's Note:**

> found out that drunk me is a more efficient writer than I usually am, not sure what to think about that tbh, but anyway hope you guys enjoyed this


End file.
